And so it begins

It’s interesting how, when you are young, you have an idea about where your life will end up.

Mine was fairly simple: finish school, go to uni, get a good job, find a wonderful man, get married, have kids, live happily ever after (real fairy tale complex).

Now, at the age of thirty years old, it is time to take stock of just how different things turned out: finished school (but not with the high marks I had always assumed would come my way), dropped out of uni, ran a business that went belly up, was sexually assaulted which caused an epic depression that took care of my mid twenties and led to a terrible spiral of drug abuse, had a man who I loved dearly and we were very unhealthy for each other, tried to leave said man and wandered fruitlessly around whilst still holding on to the tattered remains of a broken relationship, conquered my depression, conquered my drug abuse, got involved with another guy who was not right for me, found myself pregnant, became a single mother, kept clinging to relationship with my old boyfriend, after eleven months of my son’s life he gave up on us. Now I am trying to work my shit out.

Kind of crazy when you look at it like that. There are so many more little details that fit around that summary of my last 12 years of life but that is it in a nutshell. I’ve had one hell of a bumpy ride to get where I am but I am here now and that is what is important.

This blog is an attempt for me to work through all that had happened and record my thoughts and feelings. I am changing names so people aren’t offended however I am fairly sure those that know me will see through that one. I’m not sure what I hope to achieve by writing this. Perhaps some perspective on how I got here and how I can move forward. It might be interesting for you, it might be boring as batshit, you may find some of what I have to say helpful, you might see this whole exercise as narcissistic. I can’t foresee where this will lead but I need a cathartic way to deal with life (who doesn’t).

Here starts something new. Wonder where this journey will take me?


~ by abstarini on April 15, 2012.

One Response to “And so it begins”

  1. A very raw and honest blog, you are very brave going down this path so openly. I too find solace in writing, it is cathartic and helps me organise my headspace – though my story is very different and my writing is probably quite pedestrian. I hope this blog gives you what you are looking for and that you can stay in a positive place for you and your baby. I too have an eleven month old, as well as a nearly three year old, and they are the light in my life… but at the same time I am more than their mother and I need to remind myself of that often. Good luck!

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