Fucked in the head

I wonder if I will always be so fucked in the head.  I have spent the last three days failing in my resolve to cut Cam out of my life.  I feel like if I do then it is like shutting the door on him forever.  Yet that is precisely what I need to do.  He has made it abundantly clear that he is done with our relationship and yet a part of me keeps longing for him to change his mind.  What kind of a masochist intentionally puts herself through the torture of trying to recapture a relationship that is already dead?  This kind.


Inside of me I refuse to believe it is over.  I can’t let it end like this.


Why can’t I just let it go??

All I can think of s the day I first said “I am going to marry this guy”.  It was something I knew deep inside of me.  That something still hasn’t changed.  How can that feeling be wrong?  How can  have failed so badly?


Fuck Fuck Fuckety Fuck.


~ by abstarini on April 18, 2012.

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